I read many stories when i was a child. But the one i like best is "Aladin and the wonderful lamp". Many of my friends don't agree with me when i say that the story is a good story. They said this an old fashioned story but am not worried about their opinion.
I love this story for many reasons. First, it is full of magical thrills. Second it is very funny. From the beginning to the end it is very atractted by The King's Lamp. Do you believe it when the city appears withdown nothing, the performing of many persons including Aladin and a man flying on magic carpet. Every time, The King's lamp appears to make me so excited, and by the time,The king's lamp asked Aladin to offer his wish. I wish I were Aladin to get a wish, all these are wonderful. Besides, the story tell us about the honest, the poor like the Mustapha. Aladin was a son of The Mustapha, he is very a pitiful child, he tried to run from the magican but he didn't. In the dark of inside the mountain, Aladin was prayed and finally, he get out by the King Lamp. Since, the Mustapha has a better life, and the end of the story Aladin and his wife lived in peace.
I like this story so much that if i get a second chance i will read again. Reading this story will give you absolute proof and may be discover about humanity in the whole story.
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hi mimi,
ReplyDeleteCONTENT:-
-I'm also prefer Aladin stories, but i think your story seem like a review more than a complete story.
COHESIVENESS:-
- Really it was so hard to fellow you. because i didn't find the begining of your story.
- " From the beginning to the end it is very atractted by The King's Lamp. Do you believe it when the city appears withdown nothing", it was so confused for the audience.
- i think your conculsion should be refer to the story.
GRAMMAR AND VOCABULARY:-
- You should write your story in -past expression.
Content: You gave enough information about the basic idea of the story.
ReplyDeleteCohesiveness: I think you did a good job trying to talk about the story of Aladdin.
Grammar & Vocabulary: I think a comma is usually used when but combines two complete sentences into one sentence.
ex:They said this an old fashioned story but am not worried about their opinion.
maybe correct:They said this an old fashioned story, but.....
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI think you write good about the content,but you have to capitalize the subject "I",and I agree with Pinkberry778 that after but and subject , you have to put a comma.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your guys comment.This is a summary about the story. I want to recomend to your guys to read. If you really like it, so you can visit http://google.com to find.
ReplyDeleteI understand that you really like the story reading your sentences. So it makes me interested in the story. It's good!
ReplyDeleteGrammar & Vocaburary:
I think you should write "I don't worry about their opinions" not "I'm not worried about their opinion" in line 4.
After "," the letter should be small letter.