Sunday, February 1, 2009
Write about Rosa Parks
Yesterday, i read a book which was talk about the right civil-Rosa Parks. That was a story to tell about a black woman. Since she was a child she knew difference from the colored skin. Although she was a small girl but she could protect herself to avoidfrom the white people's trick. She was a small child but her brave was not . She had threatened to hit her, she didn't go away, she held a brick to protect herself. One day in 1955, she aws not giving up her seat to a white man on the bus. Because she thought that she want to everybody to look her like the white people, and she thought that she was behave to equitable. She was very tired of the second class citizens. But the end of the story, everything was opposite. She was often a new door to the black people, and she was the first woman to flight for the right civil. I want to recomend my classmates to read this story. I hope your guys enjoy with it.
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CONTENT
ReplyDeleteI think you have a good topic sentence.It's easy to understand.
COHESIVENESS
You can write more about Rosa Parks' background.
GRAMMAR
i(I) read a book which was talk about the right civil-Rosa Parks.but she could protect herself to avoid(space)from the white people's trick.
Hi Wendy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. You should capital the first letter after a comma.
Content
ReplyDeleteThe content is good. It described that Rose Parks how to protect her civil right.
Cohesiveness
It's very eady to follow.
Grammar and vocabulary
1. After you use the word "although" in the main clause, please avoid using the word "but” in the subordinate clause. For example, "Although she was a small girl (but） she could protect herself to avoidfrom the white people's trick."
2. She was a small child but her brave was not .
I want to make sure if you want to say that she was a small child, but she is very brave.